Sunday, December 27, 2009

Hop off the Hamster Wheel

Stop this Hamster Wheel

Borrowed from John Mayer Stop This Train Lyrics

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the front page is gray and white
I try to keep an open mind
but just can't renew tonight

Stop this wheel
I want to get off
And create again
I don't care for the clique that's moving in
I know I can
But honestly, won't someone stop this wheel?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my money go
Twenty cents at a time
From my bank account so forlorn

Stop this wheel
I want to get off
And create again
I don't care for the clique that's moving in
No way no way man
But honestly, won't someone stop this wheel?

So scared of getting buried
I only want to be on page one
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to get on front page number one

Had a talk with Etsy admins
Said "help me understand"
They said "all ya gotta do is buy into the Etsy brand.
We won't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you sell
Don't stop renewing, don't try to understand
We have the issue well in hand
Honestly, we'll never stop this train."

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
Make you feel safe and sound
And you won't know a thing
Til you cry when see your Etsy bill.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Promotionalicious Goodness!!!!

The Forque
If you see it here, you know it's forqued!
Vol. 2

With the handmade market blooming like ragweed in the springtime, we here at ETC understand how hard it is to be seen. Each seller is really just one tiny drop in an ocean of shops. That's why we are uber pleased to announce the our new promotional program! Now everyone can find a spot in those coveted gift guides or become a featured seller in The Forque, not just my besties and fave sellers! Our favorite admin, DanielleX-hungryhungryhip-O, came up with a brilliant promotional opportunity we like to call "Pay to Play"!

It's really quite simple. You send us gifts and we make sure you get free advertising from ETC! Here are the gift giving monetary standards:

  • $10 and under: A mention of your shop in Twitter.
  • $15: Your item in a Treasury.
  • $20: An enthusiastic mention in Twitter, using excited adjectives like "super-cute", "XXX goodness", "awesomeness", and "totally loving" plus an actual link to your item AND one of your items in a Treasury.
  • $21-$30: All of the above plus an item from your shop in the "related items" part of a Forque article.
  • $31-$49: All of the above plus a spot in the coveted gift guides.
  • $50-$65: All of the above plus a spot in our spammy email, ETC Finds
  • $66-$100: All of the above AND The Forque Featured Seller Spotlight.
  • $101 and up: All of the above and... (drum roll please) we'll send you a DVD of some White Supremacist inmates forcing a sobbing and drooling Rob White to toss their salad. Now doesn't THAT sound fun?

We here at ETC are pleased to be able to offer this great opportunity to you sellers and hope that you'll be showing us the appropriate gratitude for making it available to you. We don't want to hear any more pissing and moaning about favoritism anymore (cough cough! Etsybitches). Now it's all fair and even and anyone can be an ETC fave. If you don't have the money to cough up for the Pay to Play gifting program, then that's your fault for being such a broke dick.

Ho ho ho! Happy Holidays! and Happy Hannukah! (see how multicultural we are?)

Your good friends at ETC.

Complete Guide to Business Ethics

On a more serious note: Venting is all very well and fine, but if you have a genuine complaint please report it to the Better Business Bureau. I am here only to have a little fun and provide an outlet for my frustrations over the frequent BS I see, but the only way for real issues to be taken seriously is to report them to the correct agency. Please don't rely on this blog, Etsybitch, Regretsy or any of the other bloggers to "get the message through to Etsy. Maria, Rob, DanielleXO and all the rest don't take any of this seriously. They WILL, however, take reports to the BBB seriously and if they don't, their apathy will be there for all the world to see.


Saturday, November 14, 2009

Saturday is the perfect day for a yard sale!!!

Especially when you know you won't get caught because the admins don't police the site on Saturdays! Thank you to the kind anonymous soul who contributed this gem!

Thank you Etsy Callout for providing links to other great yard sales! We just love yard sales! Wheeeeee!

I guess now that the Mary Kay lady has stopped selling makeup, someone had to take her place.

Wow! A genuine 1994 vintage Disney trading card! Super Duper!!!

Oooo! Just for some extra fun, I HAD to post this eco-friendly, repurposed Michael Jackson melted record bowl! I just can't get enough of those! I'm hoping to get enough to complete a ten place serving! Speaking of Environmental issues, please read this article about how "green" Rob Kalin is and help me figure out in what universe is this man "green." Clearly he and his staff of mindless flunkies have NO idea what is and isn't eco friendly. They ovbviously see "eco friendly" as just another catch-phrase for selling things.

I just love Peruvian imports!!!