If you see it here, you know it's forqued!
Vol. 2
With the handmade market blooming like ragweed in the springtime, we here at ETC understand how hard it is to be seen. Each seller is really just one tiny drop in an ocean of shops. That's why we are uber pleased to announce the our new promotional program! Now everyone can find a spot in those coveted gift guides or become a featured seller in The Forque, not just my besties and fave sellers! Our favorite admin, DanielleX-hungryhungryhip-O, came up with a brilliant promotional opportunity we like to call "Pay to Play"!
It's really quite simple. You send us gifts and we make sure you get free advertising from ETC! Here are the gift giving monetary standards:
- $10 and under: A mention of your shop in Twitter.
- $15: Your item in a Treasury.
- $20: An enthusiastic mention in Twitter, using excited adjectives like "super-cute", "XXX goodness", "awesomeness", and "totally loving" plus an actual link to your item AND one of your items in a Treasury.
- $21-$30: All of the above plus an item from your shop in the "related items" part of a Forque article.
- $31-$49: All of the above plus a spot in the coveted gift guides.
- $50-$65: All of the above plus a spot in our spammy email, ETC Finds
- $66-$100: All of the above AND The Forque Featured Seller Spotlight.
- $101 and up: All of the above and... (drum roll please) we'll send you a DVD of some White Supremacist inmates forcing a sobbing and drooling Rob White to toss their salad. Now doesn't THAT sound fun?
We here at ETC are pleased to be able to offer this great opportunity to you sellers and hope that you'll be showing us the appropriate gratitude for making it available to you. We don't want to hear any more pissing and moaning about favoritism anymore (cough cough! Etsybitches). Now it's all fair and even and anyone can be an ETC fave. If you don't have the money to cough up for the Pay to Play gifting program, then that's your fault for being such a broke dick.
Ho ho ho! Happy Holidays! and Happy Hannukah! (see how multicultural we are?)
Your good friends at ETC.
Complete Guide to Business Ethics
On a more serious note: Venting is all very well and fine, but if you have a genuine complaint please report it to the Better Business Bureau. I am here only to have a little fun and provide an outlet for my frustrations over the frequent BS I see, but the only way for real issues to be taken seriously is to report them to the correct agency. Please don't rely on this blog, Etsybitch, Regretsy or any of the other bloggers to "get the message through to Etsy. Maria, Rob, DanielleXO and all the rest don't take any of this seriously. They WILL, however, take reports to the BBB seriously and if they don't, their apathy will be there for all the world to see.
As if..!!! It would take more than $101+ (US) to be in the FP...that's chump change...
ReplyDeleteBesides you forgot to mention the anorexic model with the perfectly straight, shoulder-length brown hair in profile modelling your size -0 taupe, beige or gray thingy...
I didn't forget that model! You just can't see her because she's standing turned sideways.
ReplyDelete